"Once I Love Myself..."

December 31, 2018

 

Some say,
“Once I love myself,
I can let in love. 
But first I need 
to love myself...
First.
Once I’m there 
Once I’ve finished
Once I’m whole - 
Then! Then,
I’ll be ready
to let love in.”
A friend told me 
A friend told him 
We are like houses 
That are never quite done 
That are perpetually in the works 
That always have -
A room in repair
A roof to be patched 
An outdated floor 
A creak in the stairs on that one step 
An extension to be built
Walls that could go 
Wood in need of fresh paint
Expansion plans, yet unrealized...
Never finished.
The kind we all live in 
The kind we all are 
And still 
You can invite guests in
to share joy inside of
an unfinished space.
I suppose unfinished is what
leaves room for Love
to enter at all...
Unless,
Maybe you fear
Love will come in -
Wearing white gloves
Inspecting the infrastructure 
Assessing damage
Bouncing up and down 
on that one damn step 
Standing in the middle of repairs
Standing under the drip in the roof 
Fixating on faded paint
Driving the wrecking ball through walls
you kept to hold yourself together 
Taking too much space,
pacing for the extensions
you haven’t yet built
Reminding you that you were 
still in middle of things here, 
before Love rushed the door. 
And, maybe so. 
It most definitely at times 
might feel that way, 
when barely even a glance is cast
or hardly a word is spoken...
Love rarely enters a house alone 
and has been known
to beckon ghosts from the walls. 
But more than anything,
the risk you take is this - 
Love may come in,
sit in middle of 
the unfinished matter of you
and looking around 
with eyes wide open, think, 
There is unbelievable beauty 
right here, right now. 
I see so much beauty. 
I could linger here,
I could stay.
And then what will you do,
in the real danger now
of Love letting you in,
or even worse, 
of Love letting you into 
yourself?
(Aimee Hansen) 

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